


even though you don't even smoke; soonhoon

by kwanies



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, uhhh im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 14:58:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17727386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwanies/pseuds/kwanies
Summary: “I love you so much Soonyoung. You’re breaking all my bones and tearing me up from the inside, but I love you. How’d you do that?”





	even though you don't even smoke; soonhoon

**Author's Note:**

> hhhh this is quite possibly the most pointless thing i've ever written ??? idk i was supposed to be writing for an english assignment but i uh. really didn't want to do that. so i did this instead
> 
> i wasn't actually planning on posting this !!! hence why it's so incredibly short and messy but. here u go !!!!! pls enjoy

It’s an intense moment, a hard sort of stillness; Soonyoung feels like there are walls pressing up against him, heavy and crushing the life out of him. He can’t breathe. How can he? Jihoon’s eyes are devoid of anything warm, and how can Soonyoung breathe when he’s facing a look like that?

“I’ve been losing sleep over this,” Jihoon says, and his voice is gruff. It’s angry. He’s hurt and vulnerable, but  _ God _ is he angry. “Not that you would know. You’re never even fucking home.”

“I think - I think you’re misinterpreting the situation - “

“Spare me the bullshit, Soonyoung. I’m not misinterpreting anything.”

“You’re overthinking it.”

“Oh my God, shut up? Shut the fuck up for like, two seconds,  _ please _ .”

Soonyoung feels cold, like there’s frost gnawing on his bones, ice in the pit of his stomach; it freezes him to his core, and it’s all he can do to stare at the boy in front of him - his love, the boy he’s meant to  _ love _ \- while the world crumbles around him.

Everything they’ve built up in the last three years, crumbling.

“Stop treating me like I’m stupid,” he says, and his voice cracks on the last word. “I’m not an idiot, Soon. Did you think I wouldn’t notice? The fucking - The cigarettes that are always in your coat pocket, even though I  _ know _ you hate smoking - all my missed calls?  I  _ know _ you, Soonyoung. I know when you’re lying to me.”

Soonyoung’s silent, choking on his grief. Guilt and shame are thick plumes of smoke clawing up his throat, racing to the top, and he can barely hold them back. He thinks he might be sick.

“You’ve got every right to be mad at me,” he says quietly, and Jihoon snaps right back.

“Damn right I do, but I’m - “ he falters suddenly, Soonyoung can just make out the glitch in his demeanor. His lower lip trembles and his scowl trembles with it, his eyes go soft for a quick moment - “I’m mad at myself, too,” he finishes. “I fell for this shit? I should’ve known better.”

Better, better. Jihoon could’ve  _ done _ better, Soonyoung knows that. Better than him.

“I kept giving you chances,” he continues. “I didn’t - I didn’t want to think that this was it, after everything we’ve been through, this could  _ not _ be it. We were either going to last forever or we’d leave each other on mutual terms, but you weren’t supposed to - to  _ cheat _ \- “

He cuts, voice breaking. Soonyoung watches Jihoon fragment in front of him, shoulders hunched and shaking just below his ears. “We were supposed to be storybook-perfect,” his voice shakes. “Other couples envied us. What happened to all that?”

“I don’t know,” Soonyoung whispers, and it’s the truth. He doesn’t know. Where did they lose it?

Soonyoung got bored, uninterested. Soonyoung fell out of love.

But when Soonyoung thinks about it, thinks right down to the very center of the situation, he still  _ loves _ Jihoon.

“I knew better,” he says again, “but I loved you. I still love you, Soonyoung, and it’s stupid, I know it is, I know you don’t deserve even  _ half _ of me - “ Soonyoung flinches “ - but I love you, and that’s the truth. I love you like you’re my best friend in the whole world, and I could die every time you smile at me. I love you like you keep hurting me, and I know this is wrong, but maybe if I - if I keep lying to myself, it’ll be okay - “

“Jihoon, please - “

“I love you so much Soonyoung. You’re breaking all my bones and tearing me up from the inside, but I love you. How’d you do that?”

Soonyoung can’t answer that. He’s not the man Jihoon deserves, but Jihoon loves him like he is, and where’s the sense in that? He doesn’t think there is any.

“You’re breaking my heart,” Jihoon finishes, words falling quiet at the end of his sentence, “but do you have to make me feel so fucking dumb while you’re at it?"

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: 04ngel  
> twitter: cheniuvrs


End file.
